Throughout life, we find ourselves constantly navigating between extremes, seeking the elusive “just right.” It’s a journey reminiscent of Goldilocks, the fussy little girl from the classic fairy tale, “Goldilocks and the Three Bears.” Her quest for the perfect porridge—neither too hot nor too cold—mirrors our own pursuit of balance in various aspects of day-to-day living. Welcome to the first installment of a series exploring the Goldilocks Journey to finding the sweet spots in life.
Again and Again
The inspiration to further delve into this idea came when I noticed this Goldilocks theme in several books. While not a primary theme, the recurring concept was hard to ignore. Could this be a common thread across a variety of circumstances and lifestyles? Even though it comes in different shapes and forms, I imagine this concept finds its way into our lives regularly. We just don’t really pay attention to the implications.
In Praise of Slowness: Tempo Giusto
In our fast-paced world, the concept of “tempo giusto,” or “in correct time,” resonates deeply. It encourages us to challenge the hurried lifestyle that has become the norm, advocating for living at our own pace, our own “right tempo.” This philosophy, introduced by Carl Honore in his book, “In Praise of Slow,” urges us to find balance and harmony in our daily lives.
Happier Hour: The Quest for Meaningful Discretionary Time
Paradoxically, too much discretionary time can be as challenging as too little. It’s essential to optimize this time for the “just right” balance between productivity and leisure. In “Happier Hour” by Cassie Holmes, the research delves into the art of crafting a fulfilling, intentional, and meaningful life, even in moments of free time.
The Good Enough Job: Striking the Balance
Finding the “just right” between extremes extends beyond leisure to our careers and personal growth. We explore how becoming well-rounded, diversifying our experiences, and embracing the spaces in between can lead to a richer, more holistic life. This idea of a career sweet spot was inspired when I read “The Good Enough Job” by Simone Stolzoff
Hunting Discomfort: Balance Discomfort with Surrender
Explicitly describing it as “the Goldilocks approach: not too much, not too little, it has to be just the right amount (of discomfort),” in Chapter 11 of “Hunting Discomfort“, Sterling Hawkins describes in more detail the “optimal growth zone that balances discomfort and your capacity to deal with it.” He calls this the sweet spot of high performance.
Finding the Sweet Spot
The older I get, I’m drawn to somewhere in between more than anything extreme.
When I was younger, I was extremely introverted, scared of putting myself out there, and mainly keeping to myself. Even though this felt very safe to me, it was also very boring. I needed and wanted a taste of “the other side.” This required that I explore the extravert lifestyle which drained the heck out of me. I knew this wasn’t sustainable. With a lot of awkward trial and error, I’ve learned to be an ambivert who can adjust as the situation calls for.
Embracing Dualities: The Dance of Paradox
Life is a dance of dualities and polar opposites. From leading to following, intuition to analysis, kindness to disinterest, and reaction to inaction, every situation calls for a unique approach. The beauty and art lie in finding harmony in these tensions.
Calibration: The Art of Balancing Micro and Macro
In this series, I will also delve into the crucial concept of calibration, balancing our focus between the micro and macro aspects of life. Discover the strategies and insights that help us find the “just right” in both the finer details and the bigger picture.
When the Sweet Experience is Too Much
Is there ever too much of a good thing? Yeah, I think so. Some of the sweetest moments in life are often sweet because they’re fleeting and irregular. There’s this theory of hedonic adaptation that says even the positive (or negative) effects on happiness that come with the ups and downs in life eventually fade and return to some baseline.
Perhaps the goal is not to find and stay in this static happy place but rather to find joy in the process of calibration. “Just right” can mean different things from moment to moment which is probably why it’s so elusive. If the thrill is indeed in the chase, then is there a smart way to embrace that? To enjoy the dance?
When Goldilocks Fails: Exploring the Downsides
While Goldilocks’ approach is often beneficial, there are situations where it might not be the best choice. We’ll investigate when seeking the middle ground isn’t the optimal strategy.
Some common situations and examples we’ll explore further:
- Ambitious Goals
- Learning New Skills
- Creativity and Innovation
- Certain Career Pursuits
- Expressing Passion and Emotion
- Emergencies
And So It Begins…
Our journey in search of the “just right” impacts various aspects of our lives, from career choices to self-actualization. By mastering the art of finding the sweet spot, I think we can lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.
As we progress through this series, I welcome your feedback by borrowing an idea from Adam Grant. Give each article a 0-10 rating and share one suggestion for improvement. Your feedback will be invaluable as I continue exploring the Goldilocks journey to finding the sweet spots in life, and when even that is too much!
If this topic interests you, I hope you’ll join me on this journey, where we question and explore the value of “just right.”.