The Goldilocks Journey: In Search for the Sweet Spot

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Throughout life, we find ourselves constantly navigating between extremes, seeking the elusive “just right.” It’s a journey reminiscent of Goldilocks, the fussy little girl from the classic fairy tale, “Goldilocks and the Three Bears.” Her quest for the perfect porridge—neither too hot nor too cold—mirrors our own pursuit of balance in various aspects of day-to-day living. Welcome to the first installment of a series exploring the Goldilocks Journey to finding the sweet spots in life.

Again and Again

The inspiration to further delve into this idea came when I noticed this Goldilocks theme in several books. While not a primary theme, the recurring concept was hard to ignore. Could this be a common thread across a variety of circumstances and lifestyles? Even though it comes in different shapes and forms, I imagine this concept finds its way into our lives regularly. We just don’t really pay attention to the implications.

In Praise of Slowness: Tempo Giusto

In our fast-paced world, the concept of “tempo giusto,” or “in correct time,” resonates deeply. It encourages us to challenge the hurried lifestyle that has become the norm, advocating for living at our own pace, our own “right tempo.” This philosophy, introduced by Carl Honore in his book, “In Praise of Slow,” urges us to find balance and harmony in our daily lives.

Happier Hour: The Quest for Meaningful Discretionary Time

Paradoxically, too much discretionary time can be as challenging as too little. It’s essential to optimize this time for the “just right” balance between productivity and leisure. In “Happier Hour” by Cassie Holmes, the research delves into the art of crafting a fulfilling, intentional, and meaningful life, even in moments of free time.

The Good Enough Job: Striking the Balance

Finding the “just right” between extremes extends beyond leisure to our careers and personal growth. We explore how becoming well-rounded, diversifying our experiences, and embracing the spaces in between can lead to a richer, more holistic life. This idea of a career sweet spot was inspired when I read “The Good Enough Job” by Simone Stolzoff

Hunting Discomfort: Balance Discomfort with Surrender

Book cover for Hunting Discomfort by STerling Hawkins

Explicitly describing it as “the Goldilocks approach: not too much, not too little, it has to be just the right amount (of discomfort),” in Chapter 11 of “Hunting Discomfort“, Sterling Hawkins describes in more detail the “optimal growth zone that balances discomfort and your capacity to deal with it.” He calls this the sweet spot of high performance.

Finding the Sweet Spot

The older I get, I’m drawn to somewhere in between more than anything extreme.

When I was younger, I was extremely introverted, scared of putting myself out there, and mainly keeping to myself. Even though this felt very safe to me, it was also very boring. I needed and wanted a taste of “the other side.” This required that I explore the extravert lifestyle which drained the heck out of me. I knew this wasn’t sustainable. With a lot of awkward trial and error, I’ve learned to be an ambivert who can adjust as the situation calls for.

Embracing Dualities: The Dance of Paradox

Life is a dance of dualities and polar opposites. From leading to following, intuition to analysis, kindness to disinterest, and reaction to inaction, every situation calls for a unique approach. The beauty and art lie in finding harmony in these tensions.

Calibration: The Art of Balancing Micro and Macro

In this series, I will also delve into the crucial concept of calibration, balancing our focus between the micro and macro aspects of life. Discover the strategies and insights that help us find the “just right” in both the finer details and the bigger picture.

When the Sweet Experience is Too Much

Is there ever too much of a good thing? Yeah, I think so. Some of the sweetest moments in life are often sweet because they’re fleeting and irregular. There’s this theory of hedonic adaptation that says even the positive (or negative) effects on happiness that come with the ups and downs in life eventually fade and return to some baseline.

Perhaps the goal is not to find and stay in this static happy place but rather to find joy in the process of calibration. “Just right” can mean different things from moment to moment which is probably why it’s so elusive. If the thrill is indeed in the chase, then is there a smart way to embrace that? To enjoy the dance?

When Goldilocks Fails: Exploring the Downsides

While Goldilocks’ approach is often beneficial, there are situations where it might not be the best choice. We’ll investigate when seeking the middle ground isn’t the optimal strategy.

Some common situations and examples we’ll explore further:

Ambitious Goals
Learning New Skills
Creativity and Innovation
Certain Career Pursuits
Expressing Passion and Emotion
Emergencies

And So It Begins…

Our journey in search of the “just right” impacts various aspects of our lives, from career choices to self-actualization. By mastering the art of finding the sweet spot, I think we can lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.

As we progress through this series, I welcome your feedback by borrowing an idea from Adam Grant. Give each article a 0-10 rating and share one suggestion for improvement. Your feedback will be invaluable as I continue exploring the Goldilocks journey to finding the sweet spots in life, and when even that is too much!

If this topic interests you, I hope you’ll join me on this journey, where we question and explore the value of “just right.”.

August 13, 2016June 6, 2020

Going from Private to Public — Personally Speaking

As an introvert, I usually prefer to keep to myself and avoid the limelight. I’ve noticed, though, that I like to stand at the edge of the shadows. I look and I listen, passively participating as others with more gusto express themselves uninhibited. If living a full life is about enjoying experiences, I sometimes fill my void by living vicariously through others.

I’m most inspired by people who have the courage to put themselves out there even though, like me, they’re inclined to hold back. They’re often the ones that surprise me with something new. Something different. Something I don’t get from those who normally live in the public eye.

That is why I am here. And why I am sharing my writing publicly.

Unlike others on Medium, I’m not a published author. I don’t consider myself a good writer, but others have taught me that it’s not a prerequisite to making a meaningful contribution. What’s more important is staying true to yourself and telling your story. Not to be recognized. Not for the green hearts. (I can’t deny they’re encouraging.) But to share something that might make a difference to someone else.

So this piece goes out to everyone standing at the edge. Nothing wrong with staying there. It’s a comfortable place to be. A fulfilling life can be lived in so many ways, with or without the limelight.

For me, sometimes that’s not enough. So I intentionally get uncomfortable and do things I love for public consumption. I record my DJ mixes and post digital versions on MixCrate. I create a YouTube video for my kids of me dancing in the living room. I write about my career insights on LinkedIn. And I share my miscellaneous perspectives on Medium.

As hard as it is, I try not to be too concerned with the number of views, likes, or recommends. When I focus on how the public share might help just one other person, I’m satisfied. I simply find exhilaration in the act of creative self-expression. It bridges the gap between the shadows and the light. Between my comfortable introversion and my wannabe extroverted side.

Where I work, there are two expressions that frequently come up in the corporate lingo:

Be yourself
Leave it better than you found it

Those words resonate with me because I like to apply them to my personal life as well.

If you’re up for it, why not join me for the occasional moment of gusto? No talent necessary. Just be yourself and have some fun. There’s security in living vicariously, but I don’t think you’ll regret occasionally stepping out and doing a little dance. Your dance. You just might inspire someone, in a way that only you can. In doing so — to paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson — you’re succeeding at making this world a better place because you have lived.

Originally published on Medium

March 25, 2016June 6, 2020