Dabbling in DoorDash Delivery: Lessons Learned from Personal Experience

Featured image for blog post titled DoorDash Dabbler and incorporating some cartoon dashers from DoorDash marketing materials

In The 2023 Dasher Community Impact Report, an estimated 6MM drivers were delivering for DoorDash.

I was one of them.

Why and How It Started

It was Wednesday morning, September 20, 2023 — just after my 54th birthday. I had a dentist appointment first thing in the morning so I let my boss know that I’d be in the office a little later than usual.

When I got to work, even before I sat at my desk, my boss tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I had a few minutes as he led the way to one of our smaller meeting rooms. When I saw that our Head of HR was waiting for us at the table, I knew what was about to happen.

They were both kind, gracious, and professional given the uncomfortable task. I was one of about 10% that they were letting go as part of an organizational restructure. While I still needed a moment to process the reality of the situation, it wasn’t a surprise. I sensed this would happen but didn’t know it would happen so soon.

Layoffs are nothing new to me. I’ve been laid off or fired more than 5 times during my 30+ years after college. I’ve gotten good at landing on my feet. I take advantage of the reset to consider what else I may want to change as I navigate to the next thing. And every iteration has taught me more about what I need and want for that particular season of my life.

Every transition is different. This one led me to DoorDash.

With a severance package and some unemployment benefits, I gave myself about a month or so to plan and get started with something new. Although I had a few solid leads and a promising prospect in the works, November came along and I needed to keep my commitment to start generating immediate income in the interim. Freelance consulting on Fiverr and Amazon affiliate marketing hadn’t generated anything yet. It was time to try something else.

My wife suggested Uber or Lyft, but as an introvert, the idea of sitting in my car with all sorts of strangers didn’t appeal to me. DoorDash, on the other hand, had the paid driving without the passengers. Many deliveries are contactless (“leave at my door”).

It took me less than an hour to sign up, pass the background check, and start dashing.


Test and Learn

In the spirit of dabbling with purpose, I wanted to approach DoorDashing as a learning experience that not only met some short-term financial buffering but also helped me understand what works and what doesn’t for this potential income opportunity. So far, I’m zooming in on the tactical and strategic things that can maximize the benefits of the time spent, but I also zoom out to understand whether or not this is sustainable and aligned with what’s important for the long term.

For me, learning has to have at least some structure to be effective. While I still learn from general trial and error, the lessons take longer to stick and some insights are overlooked. There are various moving parts and variables that can create a lot of noise. Without the structure I created, a simple spreadsheet, I don’t think I would have learned as much as I have in the few months I’ve been dashing so far.

My methodology isn’t very scientific with rigorous controls. I don’t factor in standard deviation or statistical significance, but I’ve tried to apply some level of consistency to uncover general patterns, all the while challenging assumptions and trying to prove myself wrong.

There were times when I found it difficult to note any learnings from a given dash. I could occasionally note some nuance that led to other hypotheses, but after a while, I started seeing more of the same. In these instances, I just remarked that the outcomes and results were consistent with previous findings.

Variables (during any given Dash):

When I dabble and experiment with anything, I like to consider the variables that I have more control over. Some things are outside of my control, but I factor them in as I note my learnings. This is a list of the the variables that are top of mind for me.

  • Day of the week
  • Time of day
  • Market and Location
  • Number of active Dashers in the area
  • Number of active Top Dashers in competition
  • Size of orders and offers
  • Wait times at stores
  • Per Offer vs. By Time
  • Scheduled versus unscheduled
  • Weather
  • Holidays (e.g., Spring Break) and Special Events (e.g., Super Bowl)
  • Customers’ cravings, appetite, mood, and level of generosity
  • Luck (right place at the right time)

Dasher Log & Tracker: Metrics and Dimensions for Each Dash

I created a tracker in Google Sheets to capture the raw quantitative and qualitative data for every dash as well as general expenses for EOY taxes. For aggregated and higher-level dashboards, I purchased a template specifically for Dashers. The dimensions and metrics in my spreadsheet include:

  • Date
  • Miles
  • Deliveries
  • Earnings
  • Active Time
  • Dash Time
  • Earning Type (per offer vs. by time)
  • DoorDash Pay (base)
  • Tips
  • Peak Pay (if any)
  • No-Tip Deliveries (if any)
  • Large Orders (where catering bag is required)
  • $/Mile (earnings for every mile driven)
  • $/Active Time (hourly earnings during deliveries)
  • $/Dash Time (hourly earnings for logged dash time: active + inactive but available)
  • Day of the Week
  • Meal Time (e.g., breakfast, lunch, dinner)
  • $/Delivery (average dollar value of each delivery during dash)
  • Notes (any learnings, hypotheses, strategic actions)
  • Expenses (separate tab for tracking spend on accessories or Dasher Gear)

Keeping up with the daily tracker can be tedious but it has helped accelerate my learnings as I can more easily spot patterns and trends. I then use a template I purchased to roll up some of the raw data into a high-level dashboard as shown below.

DoorDash Dashboard and Tracker

Learnings:

While I’ve compiled a laundry list of little lessons here and there, below are the big ones that I’d like to highlight for others.

  • Expectations for money and time — Moderate your expectations on how much profitable income you can make on any given day/week/month. The swings can be significant and highly unpredictable no matter how well you think you know your area. Accept the ebb and flow of demand and opportunity. Don’t spend all day on standby. You’ve got better things to do when it’s obviously slow. Don’t let FOMO create unnecessary anxiety. Ride the wave when you’re on a roll but rest (or work on other things) whenever it’s not busy. The nature of this particular business has daily ups and downs which requires some flexibility and good time management on your part if you want to maximize the reward for any time you invest.
  • PROs
    • Easy Application and Quick Start — I started looking into becoming a DoorDash driver late one morning and the next thing I know, I’m on my first dash by lunchtime. The signup steps were very straightforward and the background check had a quick turnaround.

      *Assumptions: You’re over 18, have a driver’s license, insurance, a car (or some other delivery vehicle), a clean background, and DoorDash is available in your area.

      Even if you have to wait a day or two for the process to complete, it’s still a lot faster than getting hired for other part-time jobs. No lengthy applications. No resumes needed. No interviews to schedule.
    • Flexibility — Gig work, unlike other part-time options, lets you choose how much or how little you want to work. You can start and end a dash whenever (but preferably not in the middle of a delivery). Work can be offered 24/7 so you can dash after hours, early mornings, whenever you’re up for it. Because I don’t always have a car available, I don’t need to get another car. I’m not beholden to an employer who needs me to be somewhere during specific times. I can make my own schedule as I see fit. As a Top Dasher, I don’t even need to schedule in advance…I just dash whenever I feel like it. And for any reason, I can take the day off or call it a day early. Having worked retail for many years, I prefer DoorDash for the same $15-$25 per hour of work.
  • CONs
    • Benefits and Insurance — Compared to full-time jobs I’ve had, DoorDash doesn’t automatically give me paid time off, insurance benefits, or 401k contributions. (You can get health coverage and useful discounts via third-party partners, available with an extra cost.) I’m fortunate to have health insurance from my wife’s job.

      On a positive note, DoorDash recently announced that they’re running a pilot program in Pennsylvania for Dashers to access support for expenses related to health insurance, retirement, and paid time off.
    • EOY Income Taxes — Filing income taxes is never fun, especially if you’re a freelance contract worker. You can easily get hit with tax payments at the end of the year. It’s even more complicated if you’re not keeping proper track of your mileage and business expenses. The more you dash and the more income you make, the more important it is for you to track your mileage accurately and log your associated expenses (e.g., delivery bags, mobile phone mount for your car, etc.). Beyond that, you’ll want to calculate your estimated income tax minus deductions each quarter so you can set aside money for tax payments you might owe at the end of the year.

Word of Warning

I use to be a workaholic, spending so much time working at the expense of my family and leading a more balanced life. DoorDash, like any other job, can be all consuming if you let it. I’ve heard one Dasher on YouTube say it was “addicting”. There was a time when I was dashing any spare moment I had. Every time I received an app notification that my area was busy, I would jump at the opportunity for fear of missing out. I would sit at home or in parking lots on standby for hours. I would skip family meals and lose sleep just to dash as much as possible.

Sound extreme? Yeah. Don’t go there.

There’s a reason why I burned out in the corporate world. When managing your time, remember the law of diminishing returns. At some point, the extra effort and time isn’t worth the incremental dollars you might earn. Don’t prioritize it over important family time. Don’t lose sleep over it. Work smarter.

Hypotheses (Not Yet Validated):

  • DoorDash prefers and encourages you to dash “per offer” even though they also give the option to dash “by time”. I suspect this is because their profit margins are generally better when deliveries are accepted and completed per offer. A look at my data shows base pay per delivery skews towards $2-$2.50/delivery when dashing per offer, but is generally $4-$5+/delivery when dashing by time. This difference eats into the DoorDash margins but helps encourage Dashers to accept offers and meet customer demand even when the associated tip might be low or the distance is quite far. For offers where most Dashers would decline per offer, Dashers by time are more likely to accept. It’s for this reason that I suspect DoorDash is more likely to offer low-value, high-mileage deliveries to Dashers by time…which is probably why many dashers prefer to dash per offer.
  • If driving while waiting for the next offer, DoorDash factors in your direction and trajectory relative to store locations. I rarely receive offers from restaurants or stores that I’m driving further away from. I’m glad for this since it’s a pain to do a 180 for an offer from a store you just drove by. On the other hand, if you’re just sitting in a parking lot or waiting at home, you’re more likely to get offers from stores within a reasonable radius in any direction.

DoorDash Tips from My Experience

  • All in your head — Anxiety, frustration, impatience, regret…I personally have a bad habit of overthinking things. If you’re like me, this can totally derail what would otherwise have been a good run. You’ll have some bad dashes. You’ll make mistakes. That’s normal and all part of the learning experience. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  • The art of pausing — The ability to pause your dash or pause new offers is a great app feature that I take advantage of all the time. Fight the temptation to be always on and always available. If you’re too far from home, pause and start driving closer to home before resuming your dash. If you don’t like making multiple stops because it delays the delivery for one of your customers, then pause other offers after you accept one. FOMO is your enemy here. Keep it in check.
  • Earn-by-Time is a good option when working to improve your acceptance rate while mitigating poor payout from no-tip or high mileage offers. Note that I’ve delivered more offers with smaller tips (or no tips) when dashing by time. This is usually offset to some degree by the higher DoorDash pay given that many of the deliveries in my area are spread out across farther distances. From the feedback I’ve heard from other Dashers, nobody really likes to earn by time. I’m sure that’s not true because I happen to choose this option depending on the day of the week, time of day, and starting location. (When I’ve delivered to the same regular customer at the same house using the different options, the total payout is always significantly higher when dashing by time. In my area, I’ve found that weekday mornings are usually the best for dashing by time versus per offer.) I have several hypotheses on what the DoorDash algo does in the background, but sadly, I cannot validate so I continue to test and record the results to try and uncover some pattern.

    If the timing and conditions are right (e.g., low Dasher competition and decent tipping customers), the earn-by-time option has consistently given me an extra $1-$3 for each delivery. This is like getting peak pay when it’s not peak. According to DoorDash, based on some recent data, I earned 12% more per dash hour by using Earn By Time mode. *Note this is not always the case and only based on one Earn By Time dash session compared to the 3 most recent Earn Per Offer sessions I had.
  • Once you’re eligible for high paying offers, it’s better to dash per offer when it’s busy and you’re near a hotspot.
  • Dasher gear — I recommend the following gear to account for common delivery scenarios: multiple hot bags, multiple pizza bags, catering bag, delivery bag, drink carrier
  • Use hotspots as a guide but don’t go out of your way to chase them.
  • Making the time to log your activity details can lead to faster learning for your specific market and preferences. One important callout is the need to track dash time and mileage when you don’t get any offers. Although the Dasher app tracks your overall dash time, keeping your own log helps reconcile numbers and can provide additional documentation at the end of each year for tax deductions. This can also help you spot patterns to help with scheduling good times to dash.

My Dasher Principles

I hold the following principles that govern how I approach deliveries as a Dasher.

  • Use every delivery to test and learn — I include notes with almost every dash I log. This might be overkill, but it’s been helpful for me to reference and organize any lessons learned along the way.
  • Optimize the experience for all — For Customers, Dashers, and DoorDash. When you can’t please everyone, focus on the customer first and make compromises when appropriate.
  • Quality over quantity — One great delivery at a time. I pause additional offers after I’ve already accepted one to avoid a last-minute addition to my route. Deliveries can be unnecessarily delayed and customers can get upset when their orders are taking longer than expected because you added another stop to your route.
  • Support the nearby community— I stay close to home when I can. Whenever a delivery takes me too far out of my own neighborhood, I pause and start heading back towards home. I resume my dash once I’m within my usual radius. Am I missing out on opportunity elsewhere? Sure. But I’d rather spend my time helping the businesses that set up shop near me.
  • Beware of FOMO — The Dasher App lets you know when your area is busy. And an occasional app notification invites you to dash now when the demand warrants additional Dashers to be available. It’s easy to feel like you’re missing out on money and opportunity. Don’t. More times than not, it’s not worth dropping what you’re already doing, or changing plans you’ve made for the day. If you’re available and have nothing more important to do, great. Otherwise, don’t give it a second thought.
  • Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast. — I’m not saying you should drag your feet. There’s a natural flow that’s not too slow and not too fast. There’s no need to rush. Speeding and zig-zagging as you navigate your delivery can lead to accidents and mistakes. Each offer gives you ample time to drive safely and still deliver a good customer experience. Don’t ruin it because you’re impatient and anxious to get to the next delivery.
  • Enjoy the ride — Yes, you can actually have fun being a Dasher. Enjoy the autonomy. Listen to whatever playlist gets you in the groove. Be grateful for the happy interactions along the way.

Other (Uncommon?) Considerations

There will be times, while less frequent, when unexpected situations arise and disrupt what is usually a straightforward Dash. As a Dasher who prefers to only pick up and deliver, these are scenarios that I’ve learned from:

  • Non-Restaurant Offers — Walgreens, Pet Supplies, Ulta…
  • Prescription Deliveries — Special terms and conditions regarding privacy must be accepted prior to delivery
  • Alcohol Deliveries — Age restrictions apply and validation required via DoorDash app ID scanner before completing the delivery
  • Large Orders and No Bags — Big orders with multiple/large bags or catering boxes won’t always fit inside your delivery bags (e.g., I do have a DoorDash catering bag, but Chipotle catering boxes are still too big.) While not a show-stopper, it’s not ideal for an optimal customer experience and not good for your ratings.
  • Inaccurate Store Address in DoorDash App — There are certain places in my area where the address in the app is incomplete (i.e., only a street without the number). This causes the in-app navigation to send me to a completely random location that’s obviously wrong. If I switch to the standalone Google Maps app, I get there just fine.
  • Bad GPS Route in DoorDash App — It’s fine most of the time, but when it happens, switch to Google Maps or Waze.
  • Customer Calls During Stacked Delivery — When I’m offered a stacked delivery (i.e., multiple deliveries on a single route) I sometime receive calls, en route, from the customer that’s the last stop. They wonder where their order is and why it’s taking so long.
  • Unassignments Due to Store Delays — Stores can get slammed and kitchens backed up. When you unexpectedly have to wait more than 15 minutes or so for your delivery to be ready, you’ll get prompted by the app to unassign without penalty. You won’t get paid for it, but this option allows you to reassign the offer to the next Dasher. You can then stop waiting and move on to whatever is next.
  • Ordered Items Unavailable — Once in a while, stores will not have the items a customer ordered. You’ll need to reach out to the customer via call or text to confirm a suitable replacement. Customers can also request a refund or cancel the order. DoorDash support can help when needed.
  • Store System Issues — One day I received several offers from a restaurant whose DoorDash system was down. They were not able to support the delivery and I had to unassign the order after already making the trip to the store location. When in doubt, contact DoorDash support.

My Dasher Profile and Circumstances

It’s important to note how different the DoorDash experience can be for every Dasher depending on their personal circumstances and market. I share my specific experience to simply provide an additional perspective and frame of reference. Some learnings and tips may be universal or loosely transferrable. Others may not apply at all. The hope is that any new context I can help provide may come in handy. I suspect that many Dashers just dive right in and learn as they go. For me, it helped to do my research so I could better know what to expect and how to deal with certain situations. Having said that, here are some details that might make my Dasher experience similar (or completely unrelated) to others.

  • I live in Ponte Vedra, Florida — just South of Jacksonville — and mainly focus on deliveries in the JAX South area. Most places near me are spread apart and not often clustered so every delivery is usually between 6 and 12 miles and an average of 20-30 minutes. I hear this not uncommon for suburban areas compared to city environments.
  • When I signed up in November of 2023, the average hourly income for active deliveries in the Jacksonville, Florida area was $21.72/hour. (* Note that this is the average hourly including tips for active time while on deliveries, and does not include dash time where you’re waiting for your next offer.) Year-to-Date (as of the end of March 2024), I personally average $25.96/active hour and $14.91/dash hour logged. This is based on my own spreadsheet of dash metrics and calculations.
  • My house is within a few miles of several restaurants so I can often wait at home and still be close enough to receive good offers. This helps avoid putting unnecessary miles on the car.
  • Our family has 4 cars but 2 of them are with the kids away at college and the other two are shared with my wife and our youngest daughter who is still in high school. This means I don’t always have a car available to dash.
  • I’m an early bird so I prefer to dash early in the morning (as early as 5am) rather than late at night. When peak pay is offered, it’s usually later in the day and late night in our area. In other words, I don’t always take advantage of peak pay since I choose to finish dashing before 9pm.
  • At the time of this writing, I’m currently not working another job so I can usually dash mornings, lunch, and dinner times.
  • After a couple months easing into it, I earned Top Dasher status which allows me to dash any time without having to schedule in advance. Supposedly, I also get priority with high-value offers.
  • I invested in a catering bag even before I was invited to the large order program (invite only). This has opened up a regular inflow of large orders which require a catering bag. The tips are bigger and can increase productivity and earning potential more than peak pay.
  • I invested in additional Dasher Gear (hot bag x 2, pizza bag x 2, one catering bag, one drink carrier, one larger DoorDash delivery bag) that helps with stacked deliveries and deliveries with larger bags that don’t fit in the standard hot bag.
  • I never activated my Red Card. I prefer to just pick up and drop off food deliveries. I can’t imagine that the benefits of shopping on behalf of customers is worth is extra time and effort. If you’ve experienced otherwise, I’d love to hear about it.
  • I also opted out of “cash on delivery”. I assume (maybe wrongfully so) that I would need to carry around petty cash in case somebody needs change. I’d rather keep things simple. Again, if you’ve experienced a significant upside to opting in, I’d love to hear about it.
  • Generally, I have the luxury of being a little more selective. Although I was laid off five months ago, we have no trouble paying our bills. (We just have to be more mindful of our spending.) Over the years, we’ve built up enough rainy day buffers so I’m not desperate (yet.) I can walk away from low-value offers and strategically pass over smaller opportunities to keep myself available for better offers. And I don’t need to push myself to dash all day. I can choose only the better times to dash (based on my local testing) and then spend the rest of the time on other important things (family, household chores and errands, hobbies, and planning for the next chapter of my career).

If you’re considering the life of a Dasher, I hope you found some useful nuggets. After being laid off, I expected DoorDash delivery to be a temporary buffer to extend my financial runway. Going into month six, I wanted to share what I’ve learned so that others can make the most of the experience for however long it lasts.


Dasher Resources

  1. Dasher Signup
  2. Dasher Gear
  3. DoorDash Driver | How To Tutorial Step-By-Step For beginners — Ride Along With Bri on YouTube
  4. DoorDash Dasher Tips & Tricks (COMPLETE Guide 2024) — Your Driver Mike on YouTube
  5. Google Sheets DoorDash Tracker – UncomplicatedSheets on Etsy
  6. DoorDash 2023 Community Impact Report

My Career Interrupted…Again

Silhouette of black post during sunset

Career breaks are becoming increasingly common, but they can still be a difficult and emotional experience. In this article, I share my own experiences with career breaks, and I offer some lessons that I have learned along the way.

I’ve had several (5+) career breaks throughout my life, and each one has been different. But one thing has remained the same: they have all been opportunities for learning and transformation.

In this article, I’ll share some of the most important lessons that I’ve learned from my career interruptions. I hope that my experiences can help others who are navigating this challenging transition.


For me the first few times were excruciating. I went through the 5 stages of grief even though I wasn’t aware of it at the time. As the cycles continued—a run at a new job eventually leading to an abrupt stop—I became more resilient, learning how to improve upon the previous iteration. The stages shortened and sometimes I leapfrogged to the Acceptance stage.

As I approach the next crossroads, I think about all of my colleagues who have experienced similar. I note the increasing number of posts of those who have not been as lucky, still struggling to find their next chapter after months and months. Most of all, I think about (and am very grateful for) my friends and family who have supported me through the roller coaster ride that has characterized the past decade.

orange and white plastic egg toy
Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

The Gamut of Emotions

WTF? — Disbelief and anger used to be the knee-jerk reactions. The last two times have been better, though. Probably because I wasn’t trying to disguise my emotional tempest any longer. Since I had gotten familiar with the usual warning signs, the news didn’t really shock me this past week. I was mentally and emotionally prepared. I had confidence in my ability to bounce back. I saw the experience more objectively and even empathized with the employer who had justifiable reasons for their decisions.

Helplessness — There were a couple of layoffs where I tried to negotiate afterward. Anything to keep some money coming in. What if I took a pay cut? Could I continue as a part-time consultant? Contribute to a different role perhaps? This bargaining always turned out to be futile, but for the best in retrospect. I’ve learned it’s important to move forward instead of clinging to the past.

Depths of Despair — Whether it’s your first or you’ve been through several, at some point, it hits you hard. No more denial. No more bargaining. Just sadness, anxiety, and depression. Totally normal and something that just needs to run its course. I sometimes found myself wallowing in despair, embracing the darkness of uncertainty and hopelessness. Ironically, diving deeper down helped me bounce back sooner. This time around, I’m confident I can bypass the Depression stage again. During my previous layoff experience (only six months ago), I didn’t feel it at all.

Relief — It’s normal to feel relief after a layoff, even if you’re worried about the future. After a long period of stress and uncertainty, it can be a relief to be free of that burden.

You may find yourself focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. For example, you may have more time to spend with your loved ones, pursue your hobbies, or explore a career pivot.

This period of rest and reflection is important for your well-being. Take some time to recharge and figure out what you want to do next.

Each experience is unique and depends on the person. I did see a common pattern, though. Before long, we turn a corner, look up, and realize a new chapter has begun.

selective focus photography of woman holding clear glass ball
Photo by Anika Huizinga on Unsplash

The Reframe — Matter of Perspective

During a transition, before I begin a new career chapter, I make it a habit to reflect on the previous chapters. The following summarizes some of the most important lessons learned when navigating a career interruption.

  • It’s not personal. Over the years, I spent time to better understand the anatomy of a layoff. While they can be avoided, no company is perfect, and if an organization gets to the point of last resort…well, tough decisions need to be made and there will be collateral damage. While it’s hard not to take it personally, doing so makes the entire experience unnecessarily more difficult.
  • You’re not a failure. Take ownership but don’t blame yourself. Could you have been better or done things differently? Sure. Reflect and learn from the experience. Then apply that to the next go-around.
  • Reconnect with your core values. A job well done and a life well lived are natural outcomes of staying aligned with what’s most important. Getting caught up in the hustle and grind often leads to misalignment. We forget why we’re doing what we do in the first place. We start making compromises and concessions while our soul suffers for it. Take whatever time it takes to reconnect with what makes you whole.

    This is the most important lesson. We all have a north star that only we can define for ourselves. Your core values act as your compass. Without them, it’s easy to get lost. Use them to find your way during uncertain times.

    This applies to individuals and organizations alike. Of all the possible paths you could take next, the ones that align with your core values are the only ones to seriously consider. You can ignore all the rest.
  • Sunrise after sunset. Some days are better than others and when you’ve had a hard day, it helps to remember that this too shall pass. Take it one day at a time. The sun will rise again tomorrow and you can start anew. Everything is temporary and our time is limited so it’s a nice reminder to make the most of every moment and make it meaningful.

So Now What?

(Talking to myself) Choose how you’ll respond. You control that. It’s okay not to know. Take the time to explore new paths or fresh possibilities, but be intentional and choose wisely.

Time and again, I’ve seen that a “career, interrupted” was needed and that the best is yet to come.

Featured Image Credit: Photo by Malcolm Lightbody on Unsplash


Related Resources

Thanksgiving Therapy

Be Grateful and Reframe

Photo by Kiy Turk on Unsplash

The Best of Times or The Worst of Times

Thanksgiving therapy…not two words I would normally associate. On this day, this year, the connection somehow makes sense to me.

I often hear how the holiday season, despite the popularized notion that it’s a time for joy, leaves many people full of anxiety or simply depressed. I can see why. Family and friends, as wonderful as they can be, can also cause grief at times, especially when get-togethers feel forced. Or on the flip side, the feeling of loneliness can be amplified when we see how happy others are while we might feel disconnected.

Perhaps you’ve had a tough year. 2020 has been a doozy for everyone! It’s hard to be thankful if you’re under or unemployed, sick, or worse yet, you’ve lost a loved one. And if you’re fortunate enough not to have had any of those experiences, it can feel inappropriate to be happy when so many others are having hard times.

Overwhelming. Discouraging. Downright Exhausting.

How can I be grateful?

Whenever I’ve lost my way, I go to therapy. My therapist is not a Who. My therapy is more about What and How.

Instead of seeing a psychiatrist, or loading up on meds, I turn to alternatives that have worked well for me:

  • music
  • exercise
  • books
  • journaling/writing
  • sleep

No silver bullets here. And what works for me may not work for you, so no need to go into the details. It’s more about doing more of what you love. Not in excess and not to escape, but because you naturally feel better afterward.

Is there anything that we can do that generally works for everyone?

When life tests our mettle, and we don’t even feel like showing up, I pause and say thank you. I reframe the worst of times and shine a light on the good.

Be happy, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything.

  • Instead of feeling that I’m something that needs to be fixed, I remind myself that what makes me special is that I’m beautifully imperfect. That I just need to bring out the best version of myself, and the challenges along the way help me get there.
  • With the need for social distancing, instead of feeling disconnected, I enjoy the opportunity to be creative with how I spent my time at home.
  • When I was both unemployed and then underemployed, I was thankful for the extra time to spend with my family. I had more appreciation for the blessings I already had, instead of taking these things for granted.
  • After our family vacation to Japan had to be canceled, I was grateful for having that extra money to keep us going while I made a career pivot.

A situational reframe is sometimes the best therapy of all. The worst of times can also be the best of times. Depends on how you look at it.

So this Thanksgiving, I am extra thankful. I hope you are too.