Donn Durante, Author at Donn Durante

August 9, 2016

Insights from Burning My Lawn

Our yard, especially our front lawn, was never really healthy. I could blame the builders and the company contracted to initially sod our lawn, but as the owners, we haven’t done a very good job of fertilizing and maintaining it.

Over the summer, with a month of extra time on my hands, I decided to make a change.

To provide some relevant background, I am not one to spend hours on the lawn every weekend. Even though it may need mowing, I sometimes skip a week. I tackle the weeds only when they become a major eyesore.

That should help explain why I burned the lawn when I tried to fertilize it about a month ago. I quickly reviewed some YouTube videos and skimmed over the instructions on the fertilizer bag. A few days later, I had burn marks on the sidewalk from the granules that spilled over, and patches of my lawn were brown from too much fertilizer.

It was embarrasing to say the least.

One evening, as I was taking out the recycling for pick-up, one of our not-so-friendly neighbors happened by, totally ignoring me, and scowled as she looked at our front lawn in disgust. Without saying a word, I could hear her judgment loud and clear.

This bothered me so much, I kept dwelling on the mistake I made.

Now, several weeks later, I’m over it. Things always seem more intense in the moment. In retrospect, I learned a few things.

Life After Death

The brown patches were areas of the lawn where the grass was unhealthy. They were thin and weedy to begin with and the excess fertilizer actually finished them off. Based on some online advice, I spent an afternoon dethatching the brown areas and removing the layer of dead turf. I also gave the lawn some extra water.

As the weeks passed, the stolons from the healthy St. Augustine grass began growing to fill in the unhealthy areas. While I’ve read it will take time for a complete recovery, the grass is growing better than before.

I needed to remove the bad grass to make room for the good grass. Where there was death, now there is new life. And the grass is greener where I watered it.

My Theory of Relativity

At the time fertilizer burn took over my landscape, everyone else’s lawn seemed so much greener. That’s when I felt the worst about the mistake I made and how I looked in comparison.

What’s interesting is that, since then, the hot summer sun and lack of rain has made other lawns in the neighborhood full of brown patches. In comparison, my lawn doesn’t look so bad anymore. It really hasn’t changed that much yet. It’s just that, relative to others, what I thought was the blight of the community, is now just another lawn needing to weather another hot dry summer.

It’s all relative.

Because I was fixated on the results of my mistake, it seemed so much worse, and it felt like it would take forever for it to get better. Once the surroundings changed as well as my frame of reference, the time to heal seemed to speed up. And I no longer felt so bad about the mistake. It taught me a lesson and reminded me about the importance of perspective and how relativity can significantly alter the way we see things.

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
— Albert Einstein

Change of Seasons

My summer experience reminded me about keeping things in perspective. Not to be too hard on myself. Fertilizer burn is not the end of the world. Even though we’re told not to sweat the small stuff, it’s funny how we react in the heat of the moment. I made a mistake and I learned from it. I’m grateful and carry on.

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”
— Albert Einstein

Some change happens naturally, like the change in seasons. Individual changes are up to us. We need to try new things and mistakes are inevitable along the way. No need to dwell. Learn your lessons and move on.

The kids start school again tomorrow. It’s the end of summer break and fall is around the corner.

As this season ends and the new one begins, I’m feeling good about the changes to come and the lessons to learn — especially from the little things that happen every day. It can take time for some changes to make a real difference. Some of the best changes happen over several seasons. And we sometimes need to make room in order for better things to come our way.

To make the most of change around the bend, let’s

try something new
make a few mistakes
check our frame of reference
clear out some of the dead stuff
plant some seeds of change
grow

August 8, 2016

Respecting The Yin and Yang of Productivity

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
– Mark Twain

In this achievement, results-driven culture that we find ourselves in, it can be easy to get caught up in the craze. With the focus on movement, there’s an inherent lack of focus on being still. Taking time to pause and reflect. Doing nothing. As Benjamin Hardy eloquently describes in The Harsh Truth Of Rapid Personal Growth, there is the Law of Opposites, where it’s impossible to appreciate things like the sweetness of success unless you’ve tasted the bitterness of defeat.

In my personal experience, I’ve learned the hard way that getting important things done and making big strides forward are easier and faster when I make time to do the opposite. Time to stop and pause. Time to rest. When we choose not to do this, sometimes it’s imposed upon us like my Career Break.

Since then I’ve had a chance to revisit some lessons learned long ago while I was working abroad. Concepts first introduced to me while reading Benjamin Hoff’s The Tao of Pooh — a fun way to get acquainted with Taoism, particularly Yin and Yang.

For anyone not already familiar with Yin and Yang, here’s a translated excerpt from the Tao Te Ching to help provide some context:

When people see things as beautiful,
ugliness is created.
When people see things as good,
evil is created.
Being and non-being produce each other.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low oppose each other.
Fore and aft follow each other.

To oversimplify what can be a much deeper interpretation of the concept, I see the main takeaways as balance, flow and wholeness.

Counter-Balancing Flow

Like many others, I also feel the pressure to keep moving, to make it happen, to do what it takes. Not too long ago, I would do 14 hour work days with only 4 hours of sleep. Push, push, push without taking time to rest, rest, rest. Always being plugged in so I wouldn’t lose any connections. Recently, I’ve significantly changed my pace.

There is a natural ebb and flow as day turns into night and night into day. When we fight against the natural rhythm, we invite disharmony and imbalance. At work this can lead to burnout or loss of personal mojo. At home, fatigue makes us impatient and fosters a dysfunctional environment. Within ourselves, we lose clarity and creativity. None of this is particularly appealing yet we continue to force flow without respecting ebb.

“Life is full of ebbs and flows. Trust that when things are slow or not going the way you’d like, there’s something positive coming your way. Things are in the works, the universe is shifting, and all the seeds you plant will come to bloom in their right time. Take care of yourself, trust in the process and stop trying to force things.”
— Stephenie Zamora

Whether you occasionally do ‘a complete unplug’ as suggested by Neil Pasriche, or simply listen to Depeche Mode and Enjoy the Silence every once and a while, rest is not only vital for your overall balance, you’d be surprised at how much more productive you are after you re-engage. As Jim Lore and Tony Schwartz are quoted, “The richest, happiest and most productive lives are characterized by the ability to fully engage in the challenge at hand, but also to disengage periodically and seek renewal.”

Going Full Circle

Before I got caught in the ‘the busy trap,’ I used to enjoy sleeping in and taking long naps. I’d wake up fully recharged and filled with fresh ideas. Full of energy, I’d actually follow through and see those ideas to completion, one step at a time.

Settling into my career, I got too caught up in the wave and would try to ride the momentum too long. Forcing flow when it was time to ebb. Focusing only on Yang and neglecting Yin. Not making time to enjoy the silence.

At the extreme end, I eventually lost my mojo, burned out and received the dreaded pink slip after years of climbing the corporate ladder.

I don’t regret it though. It was the sign I needed to reset. And the experience has given me more appreciation for a simpler life…and more naps. That might sound a bit like the other extreme, but for now, it’s the needed Yin to counter-balance the Yang life I had been living.

My One Thing now is wholeness to improve the flow.

“Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.”
— Tim Kreider in his New York Times article, “The ‘Busy’ Trap”

Fortunately, cultural shifts seem to be moving in a similar direction. You may have noticed as well. Perhaps you’ve joined the ranks of Susan Cain’s Quiet Revolution. Or you’re following Arianna Huffington’s Sleep Revolution.

All good.

Take a break, get some rest, and I’ll see you on the other side.

Originally published on Medium

August 3, 2016

What Would You Do If You Had A Month of “Me Time”?

A month ago it started. I would have about 5 weeks to myself and thought about how much I could get done while my wife and three kids were in Argentina traveling and visiting with family during summer vacation.

An entire month of extra ‘me time.’

That time is now almost over. I pick them up from the airport next week. My time alone didn’t go as planned, but I did learn a couple things from reflecting on how I spent it.

Lessons Learned:

To start the 5 weeks, I reviewed my Honey-Do List and made several lists of my own. I like lists. They give me focus. They give me an outline of steps to take. It feels good to check items off the list and say “Done.”

Lists are also a source of great anxiety and a misleading tool if used improperly.

My to-do lists usually contain a mix of items that fall into opposing camps: creative vs. maintenance, recharging vs. charging ahead, big and time-consuming vs. quick hits.

Taking a breath and thinking back on the past four weeks, here are some observations.

Maintenance items and quick hits lure me away from the more important things. With every check off the list, I feel like I’m getting a lot done in a short period of time. I gain momentum which leads me to the next quick hit. I go through the day thinking I’m getting a lot done, but at the end of the day it ends up being the trivial many versus the vital few.
Lists focusing on Doing rather than Purpose are like a big helping of empty calories. Short-lived satisfaction without any long-term sustenance. The day ends with regret from just spinning my wheels and not really getting anywhere meaningful. The negative effect of shifting my focus on what’s past — regretting a day lost — also distracts me from being at peace and appreciating the present moment. This perpetuates a vicious cycle.

Copyright: fieldwork / 123RF Stock Photo

Course Corrections:

With the one week I have left, here are the changes I’m committing to.

First Things First, as Stephen Covey would say. Or if I can only get one thing done, making the priority my “One Thing” as Gary Keller wrote. The maintenance work still needs to get done, but I’ll put the big rocks in my jar first and then let the sandy maintenance items fill in the remaining space.
Follow some advice from James Altucher and time-block my day based on balanced themes instead of to-do lists. By aligning daily choices to address what’s important for my spiritual, emotional, mental and physical needs, I’ll be more likely to make healthy decisions on how I spend the time. These are the four big rocks (themes) for me.

Put Into Practice

All fine in theory. But what would this look like from day to day?

This post is one example. In the beginning of “Me Time” I had planned to use the extra time to write about and publish several ideas piling up in my drafts folder. Four weeks later my list of ideas is even bigger, but I didn’t complete a single post. Today, I traded-off a few hours of maintenance items to sit down and follow-through on something that simultaneously feeds my spiritual, emotional and mental needs. As I wind down this article, I not only feel good about checking something off my original list, I also feel nourished. I made time to recharge my energy and be creative.

For all the other scenarios out there — for whatever you might be personally experiencing — the one take-away is this. Shift your focus from simply doing, to doing the right things.

As Greg McKeown says in Essentialism, narrow your focus to what’s essentially important to you and be willing to trade-off the trivial many (e.g. checking my phone every other minute, staying up late binge watching Netflix, etc. in my case.)

In The One Thing, Gary Keller recommends we ask ourselves some variation of the following question, “What’s the one thing I can do today/this week/this month to [insert context for family, career, exercise, whatever applies to you] such that by doing it everything will be easier or unnecessary?”

Using my personal example, I asked “What’s the one thing I can do today for my peace of mind, body and soul such that by doing it everything will be easier or unnecessary?” My answer: Block out a couple of hours to reflect, collect my thoughts, then write about them.

As I close, I already feel the nourishment kicking in. I still have a lot of necessary chores to do, but I’ll get to them in between more important things. Instead of rushing back to attack my to-do list, I’m going to take the dog for a nice leisurely walk (without my phone) to enjoy the sun, the warm breeze and the simple pleasure of pausing to sniff the roses.

What will you do?