Donn Durante, Author at Donn Durante

August 27, 2016

About a Dabbler

The Story About Finding Your Passions

“…interests are not discovered through introspection. Instead, interests are triggered by interactions with the outside world. The process of interest discovery can be messy, serendipitous, and inefficient. This is because you can’t really predict with certainty what will capture your attention and what won’t…Without experimenting, you can’t figure out which interests will stick, and which won’t.”
— Angela Duckworth, GRIT

As you read in Austin Frank’s account of his journey from Congressional staffer to committed writer on Medium, the road to finding your passions and living a happy life can be hard to predict. Every story, every journey is unique. One step leads to another and when you occasionally look back, the road that got you to where you are today is winding. Lots of surprising twists and turns. And during the process, there’s inner transformation. That’s what makes each story interesting.

In my own life, I hit a point in my career where I was in between chapters and at a crossroads. I took some time to look in the rear view mirror and reflect. In trying to decide which road to take next, I was filled with self-doubt. Afraid I’d make the wrong choice. So I assessed life-to-date hoping to find a pattern. Something that might point me in the right direction.

I realized that I have always been a dabbler.

Dabbling in a variety of interests makes me feel alive. My gritty passions include weight lifting, dancing, DJing, positive psychology, fashion, management, Japan, all things Internet, and writing. Each passion has its own story. Follow the links for the ones I’ve already written about. The rest I will save for another time. For now, suffice it to say that I’ve been transformed because of them. They make me who I am today.

You probably already know the story of Tim Ferriss. Now there’s somebody who takes dabbling to another level. On top of being a best-selling author, serial entrepreneur and angel investor, Tim can speak five languages fluently. He holds a Guinness World Record for most tango spins in a minute. As of this writing, his latest obsession is AcroYoga and you can read all about it on his blog about Experiments in Lifestyle Design.

So many great stories out there. Some are yet to be told.

I’m encouraging you to write about yours and don’t be afraid to share. As Austin and many others have already shared, fear holds us back, but when we bravely venture forward despite our fears, we often find that we’re in good company. In response to one of my quirky posts, Dr. Rob Brown even said, “ I think you and I live in parallel realities. :-)”

One of the benefits I like most about dabbling is that it gives some pretty interesting experiments to write about. And writing about colorful life experiences encourages us all to live life fully.

“As a writer I feel like I have a duty to live a life worth reading, a life that is inspiring, even if it is to just one person.”
— Koh Jia Jun

Creating new publications for Medium wasn’t planned. One thing just led to another. I didn’t plan to write this post this morning. It just happened. All part of dabbling. Where will it lead? We’ll see.

The rest is still Unwritten.

Author’s Note:
When I first started publishing on Medium, Samuel LeBaron Abbott III took the time to kindly remark on one of my articles. Samuel also suggested I reach out to publications for future inclusion. Well, I took his advice to heart and then went a step further.

I registered ProDabbler.com in early 2016 but wasn’t sure at the time what to do with it. After falling into writing publicly and rediscovering Medium, we now have a wonderful home. This publication was originally just an outlet for me, but the experience is much better shared, so I’m having a party and you’re invited. Send your stories to donn.durante@gmail.com so we can enjoy them together. Going from private to public, you never know who you’ll inspire.

Q&A:

Question:

Thank you for the invitation! Maybe tell me what kind of publication the Dabbler is, what kind of content the Dabbler is looking for? I would contribute if I can!

Answer:

Since the Dabbler publication is new and still taking shape, I’m starting with an open invitation for any stories about life experiences and lessons learned while exploring your personal interests.

Maybe you’re exploring writing on the side to see where it might go. Share what that personal journey is like and any insights along the way. Others dabbling in writing will hopefully be able to apply those lessons to their own experience and be inspired.

If you’re an entrepreneur trying to build a business outside of your current day job, how are you overcoming the challenges?

Or do you just love to learn new languages (or travel, cook, paint or compose music) and in the process, you stumble upon a way to do it full-time. How did that story unfold? Share any colorful episodes.

Just a few writing prompts to start. If the publication organically moves in a different direction, we can flex.

I know there are many great publications — that are already more established — where these topics may overlap, so over time we’ll hone in on the writers and the stories that differentiate and best represent the community.

Like you, I think there’s a dabbler in everyone. And as you mentioned, it’s liberating to know that dabbling is a good thing. Helps us uncover our true passions. It can also be very encouraging to read how others are benefitting from their own dabbling, regardless of whether or not they consider themselves amateur or professional.

August 15, 2016

3 Essential Buffers

Extra Cushion to Safeguard People, Time and Money

Over the years I’ve struggled in 3 important areas of life. Even with the best intentions, I’ve had a history of embarrassing — even traumatic — experiences. During the worst of times, the anxiety and stress would wreak havoc on my emotional and physical health. Then it would become a vicious cycle spiraling downward. Took a while, but I finally came up with an effective way to avoid the unnecessary headaches.

Create and maintain buffers.

For the purpose of this article, we’ll define “buffer” as:

buff·er
ˈbəfər/

noun

1. a thing that prevents incompatible or antagonistic people or things from coming into contact with or harming each other.
“family and friends can provide a buffer against stress”
synonyms: cushion, bulwark, shield, barrier, guard, safeguard
“a buffer against market fluctuations”

I began rethinking buffers after reading Greg McKeown’s Essentialism, where he describes the disciplined pursuit of less but better. Critical to this pursuit is the ability to create buffers that afford us emotional breathing room. Within that space we are also better able to think strategically.

Consistently maintaining buffers in my relationships with people, time and money has had a compound effect on my overall quality of life.

Relationship Buffers

Relationships with people — family, friends, coworkers, followers, etc. — are give and take. As Covey would say, you have an emotional bank account with each person in your life. Investments of your time and attention to that person make deposits into the emotional bank account. Occasionally you may need to make a withdrawal because of neglect, or simply because you need a favor.

Making deposits can be as easy as showing that you care, and truly listening when others don’t. Recognizing someone’s effort even if the results were disappointing. Remembering personal details. (I like addressing people by name even though we only met once before.) It doesn’t take much. Just a little effort where others don’t usually bother. Random acts of kindness. Establish trust with empathy and integrity. Make deposits regularly.

Make time and the effort to maintain a healthy balance in the emotional bank accounts of the key people in your life. When forgiveness is needed, you won’t be overdrawn. In other times of need, they’ll be there to help without being asked. It’s not about the number of connections you have. It’s about the quality of those relationships that count.

CBD As Alternative Medicine
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Schedule Buffers

There was a time in my life when I was late for everything: family parties, doctor appointments, work…you name it. By incorporating buffers into my time blocks, punctuality is now easier by design. Instead of scheduling everything back to back, I also block out enough time between meetings, appointments and other responsibilities to accommodate the unexpected.

For example, as much as I try to get done in the morning, knowing when to stop and consistently leaving early for work dramatically reduces any commuting stress. If there happens to be an accident or unusual congestion, I’m still on time. When conditions are normal, I’ve got ample time to mentally switch gears before jumping into a productive workday. Planning for adequate lead time sets the right tone to start the day which has a positive ripple effect on the rest.

Find a scheduling strategy that works best for you. I recommend time blocking — per Gary Keller and Jay Papasan in their book, The One Thing — based around your priorities.

“ Designing your life starts with designing your days.”
— Srinivas Rao

Srinivas Rao also wrote a useful article on ‘Why Calendars are More Effective Than To-do Lists.’

Proactively use your calendar to schedule not only your priority activities but your transitions and down time as well.

Financial Buffers

When I first started my career many many years ago, I would live paycheck to paycheck. And because of credit, I would often spend more than I had. When large unplanned expenses would pop up, I’d be at a complete loss. By the time I was married and expecting our first child, I knew things had to change. While I personally didn’t mind eating ramen to make it to the next paycheck, my wife and child deserved much better.

Fortunately, my wife is much more fiscally responsible than I am. While I was primarily focused on the percentage growth of our year-over-year income, she continued to save, invest and diversify. As CFO of our household, she has managed our money well and established a healthy buffer for rainy days.

The past year or so, it’s been raining. After my Career Break, I deliberately chose a different career path which brought our annual household income from six figures down to just above the Federal Poverty Level. If it weren’t for our financial buffer, we wouldn’t have been able to afford that decision. (And yes, more than a year later, it still feels like the right choice. We may make less, but life is better.)

This is what has worked for us:

Leveraging the compound effect wherever we invest time and money
Creating multiple streams of income including forms of passive income
Having many egg baskets but choosing our baskets wisely
Living well below our means
Thinking long term

My Dad once told me, “It’s not how much you make. It’s how much you keep.” I agree. The more I think about it, it’s really a combination of both. You can’t keep what you don’t already have, so I work hard to continue building that financial cushion. My wife always makes sure we keep enough for everything our family might need in the long term. This usually means making disciplined trade-offs and delay of immediate gratification.

Like I mentioned with scheduling buffers, when it comes to finances, find a way that works well for your individual circumstances. Financial Samurai suggests that “The Best Way To Gain Financial Security Is To Develop Financial Buffers For Your Financial Buffers”

The Buffer Benefits

Space for Uncommon Sense

You would think all of this is common sense but from what I can see, not enough people act on it. This actually helps those who do. The space is less crowded. It’s easier to stand out and get ahead. Unlike the masses in the mainstream who get caught up in the current, people who create and maintain buffers only flow with the main stream when the current is taking them where they want to go. Otherwise, they slip away on their own to yin when others yang and to ebb while others overflow. It’s in this space where they strategically choose the vital few over the trivial many.

The Compound Effect

By getting started and taking even small yet persistent steps, you can build momentum. Habit fuels a virtuous cycle spiraling up. In the long game, you experience the compound effect of focusing on less but better.

—

Buffers are like life insurance. You don’t think you need them. Until you do. Life rarely goes as planned. Give yourself some cushion just in case.

Today I continue to face daily challenges with my relationships to people, time and money. Fortunately, safeguards are in place. If ever I veer off course, I catch myself sooner and course correct earlier. And because of the buffer, I avoid accidentally colliding with anything.

Respect the people around you by giving them both time and space when needed. Healthy relationships maintain a healthy balance (as in emotional bank accounts).

Value your time and the time of others by scheduling and committing to the important things with enough flexibility to accommodate downtime and the spontaneous.

And continue to insulate your finances for those rainy days. When it pours, you’ll be ready.

Creating buffers in these essential areas of life make room for peace of mind and abundance.

Next Story:

Respecting The Yin and Yang of Productivity
In this achievement, results-driven culture that we find ourselves in, it can be easy to get caught up in the craze…medium.com

August 13, 2016June 6, 2020

Going from Private to Public — Personally Speaking

As an introvert, I usually prefer to keep to myself and avoid the limelight. I’ve noticed, though, that I like to stand at the edge of the shadows. I look and I listen, passively participating as others with more gusto express themselves uninhibited. If living a full life is about enjoying experiences, I sometimes fill my void by living vicariously through others.

I’m most inspired by people who have the courage to put themselves out there even though, like me, they’re inclined to hold back. They’re often the ones that surprise me with something new. Something different. Something I don’t get from those who normally live in the public eye.

That is why I am here. And why I am sharing my writing publicly.

Unlike others on Medium, I’m not a published author. I don’t consider myself a good writer, but others have taught me that it’s not a prerequisite to making a meaningful contribution. What’s more important is staying true to yourself and telling your story. Not to be recognized. Not for the green hearts. (I can’t deny they’re encouraging.) But to share something that might make a difference to someone else.

So this piece goes out to everyone standing at the edge. Nothing wrong with staying there. It’s a comfortable place to be. A fulfilling life can be lived in so many ways, with or without the limelight.

For me, sometimes that’s not enough. So I intentionally get uncomfortable and do things I love for public consumption. I record my DJ mixes and post digital versions on MixCrate. I create a YouTube video for my kids of me dancing in the living room. I write about my career insights on LinkedIn. And I share my miscellaneous perspectives on Medium.

As hard as it is, I try not to be too concerned with the number of views, likes, or recommends. When I focus on how the public share might help just one other person, I’m satisfied. I simply find exhilaration in the act of creative self-expression. It bridges the gap between the shadows and the light. Between my comfortable introversion and my wannabe extroverted side.

Where I work, there are two expressions that frequently come up in the corporate lingo:

Be yourself
Leave it better than you found it

Those words resonate with me because I like to apply them to my personal life as well.

If you’re up for it, why not join me for the occasional moment of gusto? No talent necessary. Just be yourself and have some fun. There’s security in living vicariously, but I don’t think you’ll regret occasionally stepping out and doing a little dance. Your dance. You just might inspire someone, in a way that only you can. In doing so — to paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson — you’re succeeding at making this world a better place because you have lived.

Originally published on Medium