“I find it helpful to see the world as a slot machine that doesn’t ask you to put money in. All it asks is your time, focus, and energy to pull the handle over and over. A normal slot machine that requires money will bankrupt any player in the long run. But the machine that has rare yet certain payoffs, and asks for no money upfront, is a guaranteed winner if you have what it takes to keep yanking until you get lucky. In that environment, you can fail 99 percent of the time, while knowing success is guaranteed. All you need to do is stay in the game long enough.”
Thanksgiving therapy…not two words I would normally associate. On this day, this year, the connection somehow makes sense to me.
I often hear how the holiday season, despite the popularized notion that it’s a time for joy, leaves many people full of anxiety or simply depressed. I can see why. Family and friends, as wonderful as they can be, can also cause grief at times, especially when get-togethers feel forced. Or on the flip side, the feeling of loneliness can be amplified when we see how happy others are while we might feel disconnected.
Perhaps you’ve had a tough year. 2020 has been a doozy for everyone! It’s hard to be thankful if you’re under or unemployed, sick, or worse yet, you’ve lost a loved one. And if you’re fortunate enough not to have had any of those experiences, it can feel inappropriate to be happy when so many others are having hard times.
Overwhelming. Discouraging. Downright Exhausting.
How can I be grateful?
Whenever I’ve lost my way, I go to therapy. My therapist is not a Who. My therapy is more about What and How.
Instead of seeing a psychiatrist, or loading up on meds, I turn to alternatives that have worked well for me:
No silver bullets here. And what works for me may not work for you, so no need to go into the details. It’s more about doing more of what you love. Not in excess and not to escape, but because you naturally feel better afterward.
Is there anything that we can do that generally works for everyone?
When life tests our mettle, and we don’t even feel like showing up, I pause and say thank you. I reframe the worst of times and shine a light on the good.
Be happy, not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything.
Instead of feeling that I’m something that needs to be fixed, I remind myself that what makes me special is that I’m beautifully imperfect. That I just need to bring out the best version of myself, and the challenges along the way help me get there.
With the need for social distancing, instead of feeling disconnected, I enjoy the opportunity to be creative with how I spent my time at home.
When I was both unemployed and then underemployed, I was thankful for the extra time to spend with my family. I had more appreciation for the blessings I already had, instead of taking these things for granted.
After our family vacation to Japan had to be canceled, I was grateful for having that extra money to keep us going while I made a career pivot.
A situational reframe is sometimes the best therapy of all. The worst of times can also be the best of times. Depends on how you look at it.
So this Thanksgiving, I am extra thankful. I hope you are too.
Not because we broke up and got back together, but because we had our first ceremony in Buenos Aires (where most of her family reside) and then the second ceremony with my family in the Chicago area.
Yesterday marked 22 years (Argentina wedding).
For better or worse, Caro and I usually do not make a big deal about our anniversary. In our eyes, this does not diminish the importance of the milestone. We just don’t feel the need to follow social conventions if it feels forced. A simple yet special dinner with the family can be just as lovely. Now that the kids are older, we sometimes enjoy a rare date night or plan a short trip for two to a destination we’ve not experienced before. The focus is on creating memories through experiences rather than exchanging material gifts.
When it comes to cards, she prefers a thoughtful hand-written note over the generic Hallmark card. I’ve not always been good with the notes. This year, though, I wrote something…a not-really-a-poem poem titled “Beauty in Imperfection.”
Beauty in Imperfection
Twists & turns we could not know. Those little moments of both joy and sorrow. This is what we walk together. And while we always want to strive for better, I look back and wouldn’t change a thing.
